No willpower

Today has been worse that yesterday.  Yesterday I did so well until the evening.  Today I have already sent several texts that weren't necessary.  About work stuff.  But he's the one I want to tell stuff to.  He's the one I always tell stuff to.  It doesn't help at all when I say that I'm going to walk away and give him space and then I don't.  It's completely mixed messages.  I guess because I'm so conflicted, too.  I don't want to walk away.  But I can't continue to play this game.  He's either mine, or he's not.  There isn't really an in between status.  I really think this is the perfect time to come home, because he starts mids Saturday night, so he won't see me much anyway, and we could gradually get back into stuff.  I don't understand what I did to deserve this.