I did poorly

Yeah, today didn't go well in the "giving Robbie space" department.  It's just so hard for me, because I WANT to talk to him about my day and stuff.  If something happens, he's the first person that I think, oh I want to tell.  I wish he would just tell me that he doesn't want to come home.  Or else come the fuck home!  I'm tired of sitting, getting anxious, twiddling my thumbs.  I am going to make a concerted effort this weekend (and it's going to be long and I'm going to be home alone alot...) to leave him be.  I'm gonna clean up this disaster of a house.  I don't know what else I'm going to do.  I have therapy tomorrow morning.  I didn't really accomplish anything I was supposed to.  I was supposed to not text Robbie.  I was supposed to talk to him about marriage counseling, which I didn't really give much effort to.  Mostly because I know he doesn't want to go.  I didn't keep my ultimatum, although I'm trying to do that now.  It's just hard because in giving him up, I'm giving up my best friend.  But I don't think I could realistically be just friends with him.  I want him to be happy, but if I'm not the one who can do that for him, I don't think I can be a part of his life.  Which the thought of absolutely kills me.  Anyways, I guess nothing else for tonight.